Finding Vs Knowing Yourself 

I’m trying to find myself.”

Does anyone else roll their eyes at this or is it just me?

Granted, there’s a good intention behind these words. What most people really mean is that something life changing has happened and they feel a bit lost or confused about who they are and what they want. Often, in the wake of this change, they go out looking for the answer. They travel, they try new things, they change their wardrobe or hair, they shift the type of people they’re around. Then, after some time, they realize they still feel the same way. They’ve got all this new experience under their belt but no real answer.

Here’s the truth: This line of thinking  pushes the idea that only through the external can we “find” who we are. Similar to happiness, you are not something that can be found out there. In fact, there is nothing to find. You are already you. Right now. In this moment. You are not lost. There is nothing that you can do, no amount of books to read, nothing that you can listen to, and no place to go in order for you to connect to who you are because THAT is what it is truly about – connecting to the you that lies in wait, the you that has always been there under all of the “stuff” that life has placed in the way.

You are not something that can be found.

You are something that is to be felt. To be heard. To be connected to. To be known.

Only through connecting to ourselves can we begin to know who we are. We realize that no amount of searching will provide us with the answers to the age old question, “Who am I?” Of course, try new things, read books, listen to lectures, travel – but only because you recognize that who you are yearns for these things and why. And, in order to understand that yearning, we must understand who it is that is yearning for those things.

The process of knowing ourselves requires an inordinate amount of honesty, courage, and self-compassion. We have to take the time to get really naked and authentic, see the entirety of who we are without judgment and fear, and show love to each and every bit of what we find ourselves looking at. Yes, easier said than done – BUT the outcome of doing this is absolutely transformational. The more connected to who we are, the more clarity we gain when it comes to making decisions in our lives. We understand and recognize when things align with us and can rule out that which does not. We stop looking outside of ourselves for validation and start going within as we know that we are already everything we need.

Knowing – rather than finding – ourselves is bigger than what our favorite book is or what kind of music we like. It’s about unfolding into the deepest aspects of what makes us, us. It’s the process of understanding and honoring ourselves on levels much deeper than the surface. It’s unpredictable and maybe a bit scary, but something that, with clear intention and total willingness, opens up a space of authenticity, abundance, and fulfillment that completely transforms the way we show up in our lives.

How can you begin knowing who you are?

Be with yourself. Talk to yourself. Ask yourself questions. Explore the things you like, question the reason behind the things you don’t. Understand your personality. Get clear on the what and why of your values. Contemplate your dreams. Reflect on your relationships – whether to yourself or to others. Show love to the dark parts and celebrate the light. Honor your weaknesses. Build your strengths. Connect to your body without judgment. Listen to your feelings. Express your truth.

Embrace you. Now. In this moment.

Remember: You are not lost. You are in wait. 



27 thoughts on “Finding Vs Knowing Yourself 

  1. I love this Kayla. Thank you 💛
    When I hear this phrase I think of the ego mind who has lost control and therefore needs to find itself again. It is the mind that is creating this disconnect to what we already are. We get into trouble when we believe our thinking!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Interesting, Kayla, and a good point. The answers are not out there. They are inside of us. Even when someone gives us the “answer,” we may not be able to grasp it. This is the so called lost touched with oneself. The only way to re-discover or to know self is through listening, meditation, or deep reflection.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Another great post✨
    I’ve been spending a lot of time with myself. Actually I have most of my life but only now am I comfortable with it which lets me enjoy it and do things that I like. When you just do what feels right you’re on the right path to both💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lee, how lovely it is to be comfortable with ourselves! I’m so happy to hear you’ve gotten to that space. There’s a deep sense of peace that comes with being there. 🙏🏼💖

      Liked by 1 person

  4. To the question “Who am I?” this answer popped up in my head just as I read it: “I am me.” 😆

    Awesome post as always, Kayla! I agree it’s hard not to roll eyes when someone says, “I’m looking for myself.” It reminds me of a story of a guy on a quest searching for something (I can’t remember what, but it’s something abstract), and despite all the battles and obstacles, in the end he found it within himself. He said, “I’ve been looking for it for so long… yet it was just here.”

    I think the same thing can be said with a lot of abstract things. “I’m looking for love” = “It’s inside me.” Or courage, or happiness. ❤️

    Oops, there goes my wall of text! I think there’s something about your posts that makes me become philosophical. 😆

    Liked by 2 people

    1. “I think the same thing can be said with a lot of abstract things. “I’m looking for love” = “It’s inside me.” Or courage, or happiness.” – love this! Yes! All is within. 💜

      Liked by 1 person

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